A girl I have known for several years, who grew up under my guidance and support, has now turned twenty-five. She recently got a good job and seems settled in life. For a long time, she was reluctant to get into any relationship. She often said she was scared that she could not sustain one.
About two years ago, one of her classmates approached her with a proposal for a relationship. She rejected him many times, but later, she accepted. Before doing so, she asked for my opinion. Since I have known her for nearly nine years, from her teenage days, how she thinks, how she grew, her Gen Z ways of seeing the world, I understood her quite well.
I advised her not to rush into a commitment, but to take it lightly at first. I told her to go for coffee, maybe a movie, understand the man, and build stability in whatever way possible for both of them. But since this was her first serious relationship, she did not take my advice seriously. I did not push it either. I thought she should find her own path and learn from her experiences.
Later, I came to know more deeply about her relationship. As I expected, things started falling apart. I had always known she was not someone who could easily maintain deep communication or commitment, not just with a boy, but with anyone. There was nothing wrong with her; that was simply her nature. She valued her space and her freedom to talk or not to talk. I had seen her drift apart from good friendships before, simply because others expected more from her than she could offer. Even with me, we once had a similar issue, but I was able to understand her and bridge the gap.
Interestingly, the boy was quite the opposite, very invested in the relationship. He was deeply committed and was already dreaming of marriage, children, and an ideal family life. He is always fast and ready to jump into the next phase of relationship. He would often send her reels of women in sarees, calling her his future wife, and imagining her in that role. But for her, all this was far from reality. She wanted to stay grounded and constantly check if the relationship was actually working in the first place.
To make things more complicated, they were from two different states, with different cultures, food habits, and lifestyles. Then, adding fuel to the fire, the boy got a new job, but left it abruptly without informing her. She, on the other hand, was still struggling to find one at that time. For some trivial reason, when he quit, it triggered a series of misunderstandings and emotional imbalance.
She finds him too immature and sensitive and he finds her too practical and emotionless. Gradually, the relationship became more of a burden for both than a comfort.
I often heard her murmuring, “I am not fit for him.” Still, the relationship lingered, neither alive nor dead, but existing in between. They sometimes go months without meeting, yet neither ends it completely.
This is not just Anagha’s story. It is the story of many young women today, those who run a reality check on their emotions before surrendering completely. They are not blind followers of love. They want to see things as they are, not as they are imagined.
Very rare to find such relationship now a days .However, hope that they will continue yo be cautious and patient and better sense will prevail.
A relationship before marriage often has two sides to the story, whether to continue or to end it. In our era, it was more like getting into a relationship blindly called marriage, and then learning to synchronize it for the long run. Isn’t that the real art of living.