Who wants us to be really happy?
It is an interesting question. Definitely, most of us will reply that our family, our friends, our relatives, and everyone around us want us to be happy. But in reality, it is not always true. To what extent we are allowed to be happy, or whether our happiness is acceptable to others, depends on how the opposite person defines happiness and how much freedom they are willing to give. It is always measured and limited according to their comfort.
For example, parents. They go to temples and churches and pray for our happiness, but at the same time, they define what kind of happiness is right for us. They often draw invisible boundaries around our lives, believing it is for our own good.
One of my friends recently went to Agasthyarkoodam, declaring her happiness. She genuinely wanted to see the mountains and spend some time with new friends she had recently made, who were very urban and loved travelling. These new friends were not very welcoming, but they were not restrictive either. Interestingly, her parents were highly concerned about the trip. She is earning on her own, she supports them, and she is mature enough to handle things independently. Yet the questions came. Are the new friends good or bad? Is it safe? Where are you going? Why are you going? Her father even asked to accompany her.
But this is where the real conflict lies. She has to deal with things on her own, face challenges, and gain the experience of travelling alone or with strangers. That is how one grows. That is how a person expands their understanding of life. Stopping someone in between is not the right way. Almost everyone experiences this in some form. The boundary lines are drawn by parents, family members, and society. They believe they have the right to interfere in every matter. Even in work related decisions, family members question, create issues, and say no to things that bring happiness, all in the name of social norms, unnecessary protection, or ego.
Happiness is different for everyone. What feels right for one person may not make sense to another. This is not the same world our parents lived in. The freedom and happiness we experience today are not the same as what previous generations knew. They need to understand this shift. The idea of living and letting others live should truly be applied in every relationship.
There is a girl I met recently. She has a sibling, a brother. She was always mistreated and ignored. She was constantly questioned for everything she did. Finally, when she got an opportunity, she ran away and ended up making some very difficult and painful choices out of anger and frustration. She became emotionally deprived. Now she is slowly trying to cope with reality and build a life of her own. Her mother is very religious. Even though she is well educated, she allowed her daughter to live only within the boundaries defined by the church. The girl had bad experiences with a priest but never spoke about it, fearing accusations and consequences. Even now, she remains dependent on her parents in many ways.
When parents lose their direction, it often affects the child deeply. In the mind of a child, parents can slowly become the biggest enemies, not because they intend harm, but because they fail to understand.
The perspective of happiness is always different. Yet we constantly try to impose our version on others. At this moment, I am reminded of a dialogue from the Malayalam movie Jay Jaya Jaya Jaya Hey. The hero says in a family court that he gives enough freedom to his wife. The scene is presented humorously, but the thought behind it is sharp and real. Who are we to decide how much freedom is enough for another person?
In many cases, happiness is not denied openly. It is quietly controlled. It is adjusted, shaped, and reduced until it fits within acceptable limits. Over time, people stop recognising their own desires. They begin to seek approval for even the smallest joys. This silent conditioning becomes a part of life.
True happiness cannot exist within boundaries set by others. It needs space, experience, and sometimes even mistakes. Without that, what we call happiness is only a controlled version of living, not living itself.