Why does a marriage fail? Why has this system become so complicated, almost impossible to manage for the very people who are part of it? Why does it carry so many layers of complexity? And still, why do people continue to enter into it blindly? Why is this system not being rewritten for the well being of the partners, but instead continues to serve society?
Marriage, in its present form, does not truly exist for the partners. Or rather, it has evolved into something where the people who are supposed to benefit are not the ones who actually do. It has become a structured system that serves society, sustained by economic and social frameworks, and indirectly supported by larger institutional forces. Emotional elements are present, but emotion is not the force that runs this institution. At the same time, commerce is a necessary fuel for it to function, yet this reality is rarely acknowledged. When two people approach marriage, they do so emotionally, ignoring the structural and practical realities that govern it.
Why is marriage not always successful? The answer is simple. Expectations are high, but reality is limited. When individuals enter into this system, they carry a set of expectations that are often not aligned with real life. These expectations are not self created alone. They are influenced by movies, songs, and social media, where relationships are shown in an idealised form. What is seen there becomes the standard people unconsciously aim for. When real life does not match this illusion, disappointment begins.
Earlier, before marriage, many parents did not even allow the couple to meet properly. Sometimes, decisions were made entirely by relatives, and the individuals involved had no real choice. There were instances where the bride and groom saw each other properly only at the time of marriage. Two people, about to share a life together, were not given the space to even understand each other. It may seem absurd today, yet those marriages lasted. Why?
Commerce was one of the main forces holding them together. Financial dependence, especially of women, made separation almost impossible. Society also played a strong role. A woman was expected to maintain the image of a “family woman,” and once she entered that role, there was an unspoken tag attached to her. There was a time when families treated marriage as a settlement — almost like a transaction with a “sold, no return” policy. Walking out was not an option, not because of understanding, but because of pressure.
In marriage, couples expect emotional support, financial stability, and physical compatibility from each other. But in reality, not all of these can always come from one person. The system expects one individual to fulfil multiple roles perfectly, which is often unrealistic. In practical terms, the basic functions of marriage have been reproduction and economic partnership. Emotional care and deep connection often depend on individuals, not on the system itself. Physical compatibility is another separate aspect that is rarely addressed openly.
There are societies in human history where compatibility is checked before marriage. In certain tribal communities, emotional, physical, and practical aspects are observed before allowing two people to come together. If they do not align, separation is accepted without stigma. In contrast, modern society has made separation complicated. Even when there is no understanding, people continue the relationship for the sake of appearances. What begins as a bond slowly becomes a burden.
Another major factor is misunderstanding between partners. When conflicts arise, third party involvement often worsens the situation. Families and friends take sides. Financial aspects come into the discussion. What could have been resolved between two individuals becomes a larger conflict influenced by multiple opinions.
Today, relationships tend to face friction much earlier. Unlike earlier times, both partners now have their own preferences, opinions, and financial independence. Blind obedience is no longer possible, nor should it be. But this independence also brings new challenges. Many couples live together while keeping emotional distance, almost as if they are prepared to leave at any moment. The sense of long term commitment becomes weaker, and small differences grow into major issues.
Different tastes, lifestyles, and expectations begin to clash. Without strong understanding and communication, the chances of separation increase.
At a broader level, marriage continues to exist strongly because it serves larger structures. It supports societal order, economic systems, and institutional frameworks. Society often prioritises its own stability over the happiness of individuals within it.
Today, many women are questioning this system. They are becoming more independent and aware. They realise that, traditionally, they have had more to lose within this structure. At the same time, many men struggle with independence and emotional self sufficiency, often relying on support systems that marriage provides.
So the question remains.
Is marriage failing, or is it simply revealing its true nature?
Perhaps the problem is not marriage itself, but the expectations built around it. A system that was designed for a different time is now being forced to fit into a changed world.
Until we begin to redefine marriage based on honesty, compatibility, and individual freedom, rather than social pressure and illusion, the same cycle will continue.
Because in the end, a relationship cannot survive on structure alone. It requires awareness, choice, and the willingness to see reality as it is, not as it is portrayed.